Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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