I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
