Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize