Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
