I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
