last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
