so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
