I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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