oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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