How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
