do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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