I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
