your parents love me but you hate me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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