May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How does one acquire holy water?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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