he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
