Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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