margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize