life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
