No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
