i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
