Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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