why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
