I'm so fucking centered right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Boobs speak an international language.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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