There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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