Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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