I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
