I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
