So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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