maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
