He uses pillows to masturbate.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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