He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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