Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
