I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
