Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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