I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
