No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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