1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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