Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize