dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
