dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
