K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
