There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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