having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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