Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
