We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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