My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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