i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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