if i can run in heels then i can drive
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
