You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
