You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
