I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
