I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
