there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
