i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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