So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
