i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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