i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
