I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize